Connect the dots, anyone?

In Alabama in the summertime I am as hot as a whore in church. Realistically it just can't get any hotter, but it will since it is only May. To top off the damn heat I am a sweater. No not the cozy type to keep you warm, but the I stain the armpits of any light colored t-shirt type. Shit is not sexy, at all.

Well when you're hot, as Nelly says, take off all your clothes. Great concept in theory; yes, and one I want to prescribe to every damn day except for one major problem-my legs are currently a mean game of connect the dots. I may have the Mona Lisa above my knee cap if I took a marker to the intricate web of veins that have manifested there. They are so unattractive and unfortunately not going away anytime soon. I suppose they could be called a badge of honor since they really came to life after my second baby, but that explanation is idiotic. Listen, I wish I were the type of person that didn't care about these types of things. A person who was above physical attributes to love ones' self, however I am not. I love a great set of gams and at one time in my life I rocked them in every miniature short or skirt I could get my hands upon, and damn it, I am nostalgic.

The time has come to kiss these bitches goodbye. My baby making days are done. I have closed up shop, so time to get these pups in for their tune up. That's right I am seeking out the help of western medicine and want it to happen ASAP. See, my blog namesake lived during the time of pantyhose and those sandy colored relics probably did an amazing job at covering up imperfections, but in today's society they are a fashion leprosy. There is no way that I can strut around in open toed shoes with my tootsies all bundled up in nylon, no way in hell. Plus I can not even imagine the amount of swamp ass I will endure during these hellish summer months-nas to the T. Doubles(the hubs)stresses that weight lost will help and he may be correct. However, it is not the Magic Eraser, and I need a bald headed jack-of-all-trades to wipe these monstrosities into oblivion.